Bribery Bill [Lords]

Michael Foot held the House. He had no notes—just a couple of newspaper cuttings—and he started off by saying, "Mr. Speaker, I read in the newspapers that only a couple of members of the Cabinet support the Government's economic policy. I have been wondering", he said, scratching his head in his usual way, "how many Conservative Back-Bench Members support the conduct of the economy by the Chancellor of the Exchequer and the Prime Minister." He paused and said, "Hands up who supports the Government's conduct of the economy!" and three Members put up their hands, one of whom was, I am afraid to say, the late benighted Geoffrey Dickens. The House collapsed. Michael Foot continued—it says a lot that I can remember the speech almost word for word 30 years later—by saying, "It is well known that I come from Plymouth, and my father used to take us to a music hall on Saturday mornings, and sometimes there was a conjurer, and this conjurer was one of the most brilliant conjurers in the world. He used to do all sorts of mind-boggling tricks, and one day he said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, I would like somebody here to produce a gold fob watch', and a gold fob watch was produced. What is more", Michael Foot said, "we knew that it was produced by somebody who was not a stool pigeon for the conjurer; it was a real gold watch." "The conjurer said", continued Michael Foot, "'Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to put this gold watch on this desk. I am going to get this large wooden mallet and bring it down on the watch. The watch will smash, sprockets will go one way, springs will go another, and then I will utter a spell and the watch will come back together again, and I will hand it back to its owner—it will be perfect.' The conjurer said, 'Let me take the watch.' He put it on the desk, produced the mallet and brought it down with a resounding whack—sprockets go one way, cogs go another, winding wheels go a third and the case goes a fourth way. Then", said Michael Foot, "there is a very, very long pause, and a longer pause, and then the conjurer turns to the audience and says, 'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm really sorry, but I've forgotten the rest of the trick.'" Then Michael Foot said, "And, of course, Mr. Speaker, the problem for the Prime Minister and the Chancellor of the Exchequer is that they have forgotten the rest of the trick", and he sat down. It was absolutely brilliant, and that speech gave him the Labour leadership.